Corporate Manifesto

Preamble

We, the overworked, underpaid, and perpetually calendar-blocked professionals of Corporate India, in order to form a more perfect Slack workspace, establish meeting-free lunch breaks, ensure peace between IC and manager, provide for the common venting, promote general meme welfare, and secure the blessings of increment to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Corporate Charter for the Corporate Janta Party — a membership community, not a political organization.

Who We Are

We are not a union. We are not HR. We are not a political party. We are the people who say "quick call?" and immediately lose 45 minutes. Engineers, analysts, designers, PMs, and professional email archaeologists who've survived more re-orgs than hot meals.

What We Stand For

The right to mute on Zoom without guilt. Increments that acknowledge inflation exists. An end to the tyranny of "circle back" and the oppression of "just one more sprint."

10-Point Corporate Charter

1. 1. Mandatory agenda for every meeting — or automatic cancellation with confetti.
2. 2. Appraisal ratings must be backed by evidence stronger than "vibes."
3. 3. Reply-all without business impact shall be a punishable offense.
4. 4. Lunch breaks shall be sacred, uninterrupted, and longer than a standup.
5. 5. "Urgent" messages sent after 7 PM shall expire unread without penalty.
6. 6. Free snacks shall never be listed as "Total Rewards."
7. 7. PIP shall be renamed "Persecution In Progress" in all internal docs.
8. 8. WFH shall be a default right, not a manager's mood.
9. 9. Every sprint retro must include one actionable item that is actually actioned.
10. 10. Increment promises made in January shall be fulfilled before the next January.